THE ONE

As women we have a list of want we want in a man. That perfect man that will take away that longing of loneliness. The problem with us women is that we have expectations which for a fact are not a bad thing. The problem however is that we are over confident with what we expect to find in a man. You want him to have everything and of course give you a grand wedding and put a ring on your finger for the envy of all your friends. Question is, what are you bringing in the relationship?

There is no way you expect a man to do all this for you and bring nothing to the table. Another thing is that we lie on what we expect to bring to the table. Relationships have become a contract. You buy me a house and I give you a child. Everything is based on assets and material things.

I don’t know whether relationships stopped being about happiness and finding the right person but it has become a profit making venture. If it is a contract that one is looking for,do exactly that. If you want a house or a car, what is stopping you as a woman from acquiring that? Why should you wait for someone else to acquire it for you? This man spend sleepless nights trying to acquire whatever it is that he has, do the same thing.

I know the defense will be that you did not have the same opportunity that he had to acquire…that is hogwash, time to get down and dirty. Complaining doesn’t cut it. It never does, you need to call yourself a strong woman and do things for yourself and that check list that you put up in your life, and yeah it works but nothing in life is on a silver platter. You want the good life, work for it and then you will meet someone along the lines of your hard work you will meet the man that you have a whole checklist on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gWqc7pTNn0

CHANGE

Am afraid of change. I have never been one to like doing something out of the ordinary. I don’t mean that I like being in the comfort zone, I just mean that there things in my life that I prefer in the constant mode.  This is a letter to a friend that I will forever cherish no matter what changes in our lives…..

Dear Friend,

I have known you for so long, I think this is the 12th year. We have had our share of pitfalls and grudges. You remember the time when I had to make a choice and made probably the wrong one? Yes that time….I know that it hurt you so bad and which sometimes I wish I could go back and do the right thing. You wonder why I would like to wind the clock? Because for a while now I have come to discover that you are not the person I thought you were 9 years ago. You changed but there things in your character that are constant.

We have had  good times together,times consisting of fights and competition for attention,but that was in our teen years…though I still cannot forget the poems you wrote,the letters and the endless conversations in the dark. Some were fights and some were reconciliation talks. I do not regret a moment of that time. Neither can I forget being in total depression because of your leaving…no way. It shaped me to withstand a lot..even a broken heart. Nothing about you makes sense to me sometimes….and I stopped trying to make sense out of it. I take what you say a day at a time….without trying to figure out what you are about.

As we grew up,am thankful for the times you have been there for me. I mean the days I would call crying and you would encourage me to take a day at a time. Pushing me to make decisions that were hard to make. You actually believe in the me in a way that I don’t even believe in myself. You have pushed me endless times to try a hand at somethings,well I guess am afraid to fail. For the awesome moments we have had together in a long time,am thankful….What was the essence of this letter? Oooh yeah, I am afraid things will change between us and this to me is genuine fear. I can’t remember the last time I felt this about something….but this is the real deal. Thanks for your assurance that things will not change,but they do….sounds really petty but to me you actually mean a lot ….and  I hope that life does not drift us in different directions only for us to meet like another 3 years down the line….the moment of depression is what am trying to make up for. Life please give us this chance to actually make the best we have. It sounds selfish…but????

Am truly happy for you and pray that blessings are showered in your life…..

Yours with Love……

 

 

 

 

 

Meeeeee

I AM MY FATHERS DAUGHTER

Fathers day is nearing and all i can think of is the fatjher i wish God had kept alive to see his own children make it and to see what they have become.No single day passes by that i dont miss him or think of him.I dedicate this post to him. He was a loving father,strict and always used the belt if we never listened.To date i know he was right to do what he did.He ensured our grades were always up,he was there to help us with our homework and also a fun person when the occassion called for it.I wish God had kept him longer on this earth.He had a purpose why he was taken away from us too soon and with no time to say goodbye.It is hard for any girl to loose her father,its like a part of you has been ripped out of your own being,leaving you bare and exposed to the world. Am yet to find a faqther figure or a man to walk in his shoes. To protect me in every way,to believe in my dreams even though he knows they will backfire if i do not listen to him,to always make sure i lack nothing and if i do he will always move the earth to ensure his daighter is happy. My father taught me how to be tough,to overcome obstacles that came my way,to know how to manuever this harsh world and come out a winner. To respect,love and honor and beoing nice to people,the lessons he taught us as we grew up. The ropes he taught me are always the learning curves that i put into place.That man that will fill my fathers shoes will have made me the happiest woman in the world. This Fathers day i want to also dedicate this post to all the single fathers who have been left with infants and babies due to selfish women who thought about themselves. To those men,i respect you for deciding to take care of another human being,for being the tower and strength of that childs life and let it be that way. To wives and married couples with children,if your husband has supported you to this far,honor him as the father of your children.Let your kids thank him and love him for being the best father they will ever have. To pregnant women,let your child have a father,yes i know shit happens,but dont let that child come into this world without making sure that he has a father figure in his life. That child will one day grow to be a man,and with male techniques and wiring.Lets respect the men who are fathers.I know its not easy especially for those with absentee fathers or thse who have never met them.You have a father somewhere and if he cares for you,wish him a nice Fathers day. There those who hate them,forgive and move on,nothing lasts forever.All you have to do is make yourself a promise that you will be better than him. My dad was and will always be the worlds greatest dad. Happy Fathers Day y’all

THE BITS AND PIECES OF LIFE

I am feeling sentimental today,so here goes.

When we are young we have this perception of life as a grand house with well mowed lawns and a fountain. As life progresses we realize that the house is torn down and the lawns can no longer be seen and the fountain is covered with bushes that you cannot notice that it once existed. I guess life has a way of giving us a reality check.Look at it this way. Are you where you want to be? As a child you have dreams,a mission and a goal that gives you the strenghth of knowing that you will one day be in that dream. What really happens in between the dreams and fantasies that we create in our mind that later on change or find a diversion.

I have  been trying to comprehend and looking at my life and wondering if this is the place that I should be. Yet I do not question the reasons of my current state. The learning curve of life brings us to the situations we are in. Having learnt lessons,some very brutal, it is well to say that the harsh realities make one wiser and stronger. They  are a test to your tolerance meter. What makes you tick? How far can you stretch when pushed to the limit?

We ask ourselves why is life unfair? Accepting the situations we are in, brings forth amazing results. God cannot put you in a position he knows that you will not be able to handle. He knows that he has put you in a position with a series of tests behind them. You may not be in that dream job that you want to be but you are in a job that you do not fancy at all,there is a better job waiting for you,your patience and perseverance is  being tested…

You want that dream guy….yeah that one that you want with all those qualities that you have carefully done the checklist on,you will therefore have to meet the bad ones…the ones who make you cry,others with no sense of humor that makes you wonder if they ever laugh….then there those nasty ones who keep cheating on you and treating you like crap,others with no plan for their life they live their life on the roll with no 5 year or even 6 months plan. In the end life will change and you will meet the one man that makes your heart skip a beat. The one that actually cares about you genuinely without forcing himself. He will treat you like the queen you deserve.  Guys,you will meet all manner of women, i cant even try to imagine. Gold diggers,pretenders, cheating and lying ones….but one day the light will shine and there she will be,the woman of your dreams. Of course the other traits of a woman will remain but the headache and complaints will reduce.

Nothing in this life is as it should be,but sometimes we have to conform to what we have. It will seem difficult but we can shape and decide what this life has to offer…and take those bitter lemons and make margaritas out of them…..

REALITYCHECK

With age comes wisdom and comes a sense of maturity and responsibility that makes one either not care so much about the happenings that they cared for before or totally ignore and grow up.  I haven’t written in a while and it seems to be almost difficult . The last couple of months have been lessons and stepping stones for me and also a time to make some decisions that will and most definitely  make so many people mad. That was not the essence in the first place,but a woman has got to do what she gotta do.

I came to the realization that I can’t do what others expect of me and just oblige without thinking about it. They call it being a puppet. Just because I am nice,does not mean that anyone can take advantage of me. I decided that it was time I stood my ground and say what is on my mind regardless of whether i will be stepping on toes or not. There is brutal honesty and there is the truth. I decided depending on the situation that i find myself in, time for trying to chocolate coat the truth is far from over…Too much baggage not telling people how I feel was definitely a waste of time.

In life people come and leave, friends are made some last some do not. That is life. We cant have everything we want in this life. You can have friends that you have known for long but circumstances and situations drift people apart. Situations that we are not in control of and some that we are. Depending on things,you can have your old friends always there with you or make new ones as life carries along. Maturing also makes a whole difference. Friendships are a must keep and others are not really worth it. Relationships and love are a must keep and more hard work to be put into them,since some last for a lifetime.

I have goals and ambitions,some that I have put away for a long time. I decided that it was time to venture into them and to stop shelfing things because I am scared shitless of trying them or because am scared of failure,time to go ahead and do them and see what is in store. God plays a very important role in our lives and I cant do it by myself,he is my anchor and each day I pray that he guides me through it all.

I may have made some serious decisions about some things but some remain…..I am still gonna have a good time,have fun,continue  being caring and generous but all i know is that I have made decisions knowing that I am growing up and have no time for trivials….this is the year i take my life to another level….to meet different people who share the same sentiments like I do..and then we can move onto the next level.

 

FRIENDSHIP

I don’t know if my idea of friendship is an idea at all.However I have come to the conclusion that somehow it has meaning and a deeper one than I thought. So I have had to analyse three scenarios and each had a different effect on me. I was having tea or a beer(one of these weird days with the rain) with my girlfriends. It was a pleasure to meet one of them who I did not know but had a rather fabulous time. We had an agenda when we met and in the beginning I was not sure how it would end up but it eventually it was the best thing that actually happened to us. If you are in a situation to help someone,the best way is to actually help them. Am glad we came to a consensus and also my prayer is that we shall meet the end goal. That’s  what friends do,go the extra mile for each other, and appreciate the little that we receive from the people we call friends.

Scene two: There is always that one person who fills a certain void in your heart. That person who listens to you so well that sometimes you open up to them more than you want to but yet you do. It is really creepy but I adore this kind of people. They are the kind of people who make you feel like a load has been lifted off your shoulder. They hold secrets to your soul. Yet we are never afraid to tell them anything. It is scary but it is a relief to have such a person in your life…..

Am glad to have all sorts of friends, the irritating ones,the ones who judge you when you do something( screw them,we are not perfect),the ones who will hug you when you need one, the ones who make you smile at the oddest hours and times in your life,those mean ones who make you realize that you have to treat people well because you will need them somewhere in life and of course the ones who will do absolutely anything for you with no second thought. If you fall into any of these categories,well guess what, I appreciate you more than you think. Have a nice week pals….

THE PUZZLE-LOVE

As I always say am not an expert on love but I believe that it is as complex as it comes. Ever wonder why some relationships flourish while others are just doomed? Others are like flowers while others just don’t seem to go anywhere?I have. Looking at the number of relationships,the relation between a positive relationship or one that is slowly fading the line between is very thin. Reasons are either disappointment or resentment. Most people in love do not like looking at what affects their relationship. They treat love as a fragile and too special to tamper upon,while in real sense what affects a relationship is psychological. I want to believe that it is all in the mind and how we handle a relationship that really affects it.

Its like being put in a situation and all factors surrounding you will be the judge of character and how you will react to the situation. Lets look at it this way. A woman will want a man  she can look up to. Someone who makes her be the best she can be. Unfortunately the available men are not out to build their women. I think it has come a time when all people do is get into relationships for social stature. What is the need in the long run?Stay single. What is the need of being with someone because you do not want to be viewed as single;despite the fact that your age does not allow you to be single.

It is really unfair to try and tolerate being with someone because of your own selfish gain. If something is not working then do not delve into it. Why put someones emotions on the line. Flipping the coin if you were in the person’s shoes you would be mad as hell.Short and long,what is the need of love? Is it because we want not to be alone? Or is it because we want to go with the crowd? Is it really genuine? In my world it remains unanswered.

 

MR RIGHT

Is there a Mr Right? I mean that one man that makes everything OK in a woman’s world? Simple,there is nothing Right and Perfect in this world. As women searching for that one MR, what is it really that we look for? We grow up with the perception that we want the best of the best. We have so many expectations that we miss the point why we want that man. Why really do women look for a Mr Right? Someone once said that once you get a man who can give you anything,you have to be ambitious and a go-getter to get what you want. Let me break it down; find a man who makes a whole load of cash and make sure that you are part of his investment. There after,make sure that almost all his assets are in your name-mark you,you have to be the most awesome wife in the world,this one needs smart brains and strategy. In the end make sure that you have your own investments to call your own,car,home and business so that incase all hits the fan,you can depend on yourself.

This is the part am not sure I agree with. Women,flip the script,if this was being done to you,you will be the most furious woman the world will ever see. So why in the world do we do this to our men? I mean payback for all that he has done to you is not the best way to look at things. You got married in front of God and man and yet you use your charm to rob someone of their hard earned money for your own gain, GET A JOB, make your own money and investments. Most of the women who do these,have such low esteem issues that they find a way to boost it up by having something of their own to brag to their friends. Yes we like competing with our friends to see who has what and of course make sure that we are in the top league.

You can make something of yourself if you decide instead of being a leech. Now I have missed the point of this article for today. Back to it, no matter what standards or qualifications you are looking for in a Mr Right,you will never get them all in one person. Ever wondered why men choose who they choose regardless of what their friends think and you end up being so shocked at whom they end up marrying?It is because they have no time and no check list to follow. They go with their gut feeling and go for it. By the time you are doing your checklist,you will be old,grey and out of market and don’t forget desperate. If there is a Mr Right,am yet to see one and if anyone sees him please let me know because there must be something wrong with him……

A WOMAN’S FREEDOM

A woman’s freedom….I am not sure how I can explain this without stepping on some toes,but here goes. I think it has reached a time when dating has become overrated. I say this because the dating scene has become a charade and many are using others for their own gain.  It had always been the norm where a woman gets a man, they date for a while and boom a year or so later they are married. Flip of the coin,nowadays its date and i mean for such a long time,it gets boring and nothing comes out of it. Whats the use anyway. Women have reached a point where they prefer to find a man willing to give her a child-that is when she realizes  that her biological clock is really not waiting for her. And by the way the men they choose must really have good genes…from the hair to the skin and teeth. A thorough research is conducted and not just settling for anyone. She never asks the man for responsibility of the child.All he has to do is donate his sperm.

This woman has a stable job,a job that she is able to sustain a rather affordable lifestyle and has been through it all meeting weird men with weird characters who only leave her heartbroken. She decides that she has had enough and it is time to venture on her own and do her. She can actually do without  a man if all she finds and meets are losers….sorry guys…that’s the truth.

She does not need a man because she is more than capable to be by herself and “source” for a child and raise.All am saying is she is  an independent woman who knows that whatever she will lack is a man’s company,because if it is sex she can get it anywhere and when she needs it. And this is usually from someone she knows or has had intimacy with. The strength of this woman is derived from the fact that she is able to take care of herself with no man in the picture. I beg to ask the question,so what happens if all women are strong and independent and do not need a man in their life, except a sperm donor? I have to agree that as women the stress of a man can be overwhelming and considering that most of the problems begin after marriage. What really happens after marriage? Marriage is sacred and it never is the deal when in it.

This has made women scared to enter into marriages and have decided that independence is the way to go. Work for their money and support themselves and the sourced fatherless child. Men on the other hand have decided bachelorhood is the in thing…..so is marriage off the table in the 21st century? Is it all about freedom or is it fear of the inevitable?

SERIOUSLY?

Am not sure why I started writing this article in the first place but I wanted some clarification about the norm and culture that we are working hard to achieve in terms of love and marriage. I have nothing in particular to say but this is the point where I wanted to rant and scream and really point out how much crap that is. I recently read somewhere that there are men will do anything for a woman and they wonder why a woman is asking a lot from them. Here is why. You get married to a wonderful man who makes a decent living (according to you) and provides for everything and I mean literally everything. You will not lack anything you need. Your so called hubby feels that since he has given you everything, there is no need for you to ask anymore from him. This was the argument. As a woman you have been given everything you want; so why are you asking for more from this guy? The same guy has a right to have any woman he wants but still maintain his duties in the house as a man. I mean at what point has he missed his manly duties? I was not sure how to respond to that and for once I was left speechless and decided that whatever way a woman handles her household will also contribute to her man’s behavior. If you treat your man like trash he will most definitely look for someone who appreciates him more and listens to him more. In the same discussion it was quoted that all men think alike, “A man will cheat because it is in his genes” really? No seriously really? A man will cheat because he was born like that? That’s bullshit. I do not want to get into the nitty gritty of why cheating takes place but please let’s not go down that lane of “he cheats because he can’t help himself” crap. You are the reason he cheats. Again is it true that you can learn to love someone? That it is all about getting what you need and then learning how to love? I came to the conclusion that we really are in a materialistic world. Call me traditional but that’s my opinion on matters that maybe sound like a fairy tale but like hell I will not support some theories that have now etched into our social lives and are the rules we live by. Since I began my blog I have always said I am a romantic at heart so this is clearly it. Anyway whichever way we all want it to go, its upon us. I am still in the old school version of it…and am loving it.